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Reflection on Forgiveness
by Faith Marsalli, August 10, 2003

Ephesians 4:25-5:2

Several years ago, Jacob, a 20-year-old college student was returning to Oregon State University from a church camp in San Diego. He fell asleep at the wheel of his car on I-5 just south of Salem killing two police officers and critically injuring a third officer.

Jacob pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide. He tearfully apologized to the families and expressed deep remorse for his fatal error in judgement to drive that day without sleep. Because of the forgiveness of the family members of the two deceased OSP officers Jacob did not go to prison. The families sat in a jury box and took turns passing a microphone to speak directly to Jacob. They alternatively grieved and forgave.

"Jason's going to be dearly missed," one father struggled to say about his son. "I just want you to know that we forgive you."

"I know if Maria could, she would come to you and say that she knows what's in your heart and she forgives you," said the twin sister of the other officer who died.

Jacob experienced the extravagant love of God when he received forgiveness that emotional day in the courtroom.

"Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you."

Victor Hugo's classic tale Les Miserables is another portrayal of the incredible power of forgiveness. Early in the story, Jean Valjean is forgiven for stealing some silver from the bishop, and he's given a chance to start a new life. He never forgets it, as he grows into an influential businessman. Through the rest of his life he displays a forgiving spirit. Jean experienced the extravagant love of God when he received forgiveness.

"Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you."

Dalton had served in a position as a county executive for 16 years. The very man he had loyally supported and helped win an election fired him from his job for strictly political reasons. Then his life started to unravel. At the same time he lost his job, Dalton's lost his marriage of 22 years. He was so broke that he had to move into a one-bedroom apartment. Unemployed and broken-hearted, he endured months of self-hatred. He sank deeper and deeper into discouragement and despair. Finally, one day he prayed, "God, my life is a mess and I need your forgiveness. Please open a door for me and I will walk through it even if I don't want to. And if a door closes, I will not try to force it open. I am going to leave things strictly to you."

His circumstances didn't change immediately but in the midst of his hardship he experienced the presence of God in a way he never had before. And one day, a door did open for Dalton to run for the highest office in his county-the same job of the man who had fired him months before. In the end, he won the election.

But as soon as he took office a battle began with Steve, one of the men who had voted to fire him from his previous job. Dalton went to him, and said, "Steve, I forgive you for the bad things you have said about me. Can't we move past this and work together for the good of the people we serve in this county?" But Steve continued to be cruel to him until the day he was rushed to the hospital for emergency bypass surgery. Dalton called the hospital and told Steve over the phone that he loved him and would be praying for his full recovery.

Several weeks later Steve showed up at Dalton's office and said, "I have been a fool. You tried to make peace with me and I was too hardhearted and hardheaded to do it. But when I was under the knife I had second thoughts when I knew you were praying for me. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?" From that day on Steve became a pillar of support to Dalton.

Dalton says that when he is reluctant to forgive, he just remembers how much God has forgiven him and he feels compelled to pass it on. Dalton was a man who knew something of the extravagant love of God through forgiveness.

"Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you."

I remember being touched months back by a rare and remarkable statement from the wife of Sgt. Damon Coates, a police officer who was shot in the head by a 15 year-old boy here in Oregon. In a press conference she said, "Her husband would want the high school freshman to know he's forgiven. Her husband would want him to know "It's okay."

Tammy Coates dealt out mercy to this boy instead of hatred and revenge. The commentary in the Oregonian stated, "We all are reminded, simply and sharply, that forgiveness has its own unforgettable power."

Once again, we see the extravagant love of God in action through forgiveness.

"Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you."

Who are you struggling to forgive this morning? Maybe you need to be able to forgive yourself for some past failure. I know some of you carry deep wounds from your past. Will you give your pain and hurt over to God this morning and allow God to bring healing into your life?

A group of men gathered for a retreat in which they focused on the topic of forgiveness. In one of the evening sessions, each man was given a strip of red tape and instructed to go off alone and reflect on the wounds that they had experienced in their lives. They could be physical or emotional wounds. As the wound was remembered they were to put a piece of red tape on the spot of the wound.

As they gathered back in a candlelit room they were divided into small groups and invited to sit on the floor. Each man was decked out in red pieces of tape. They were encouraged to ask God for the strength to forgive those who had wounded them. Many of these men had suffered terrible abuse in their childhood. They were invited to think of things that they wished they had heard, especially from their fathers when they were young, kind words of blessing and encouragement. They were then instructed to go around the circle and to give those affirmations to each other.

In the darkened room, grown men wept as they received tender words from each other. "I'm glad you are here. May you be filled with joy and courage." "I love you and pray you will follow your dreams." "I am here for you. I will take time to be with you."

Seeking to let go of the past, they took off the red pieces of tape and they began to feel a sense of freedom and wholeness. This little ritual helped these guys acknowledge the wounds of the past and then begin to move into a place of love and forgiveness and healing.

We can't change the past but we can choose to let go of it. It isn't easy. As a matter of fact it is some of the hardest work we will ever do. But as we practice forgiveness, we free up our energy to love people in the way God loves people.

How are we doing at home? Are we being gentle and sensitive with our spouses, with our kids, or with our parents? Are we quick to apologize and make amends for our offenses? Are we careful with our words? You therapists know how many damaging things are said within families.

What kind of climate do we create with our co-workers and with our friends? When there is conflict do we withdraw and hold a grudge and gossip about the person with others?

Paul's advice here in his letter to the Ephesians shows us the higher road, a road that leads to the extravagant love of God and the incredible freedom of forgiveness. May God give us courage to take the high road. Amen?!