We are Christ-centered Friends who equip and encourage all people
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Who Am I? Who Are You?
by Karen L. Oberst
January 28, 2007

Most of us remember Dr. McCoy on Star Trek saying in various episodes, "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a _______" He had a well-developed sense of his own role in life. In acting also, roles are obvious. Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter. Could the role of Mrs. Doubtfire have been played by anyone other than Robin Williams? We also play roles every day of our lives. Roles can be handy because they let us operate from a "script" so to speak, so we don't have to keep figuring out what to do next. As I talk about a few of these, jot down some of your own roles, whether they are ones I mention or not.

One of the most basic roles we have is our gender role. Being a man or a woman defines a lot of how society sees us. Because I'm a woman, I'm expected to act certain ways and do certain things. I shocked a colleague once when I told her no I don't have any children. I'm apparently the only woman she knows with none. According to my role, I should be more submissive, more nurturing, and so on. Gender roles also affect men, who are expected to be tough, aggressive, and like sports, etc. All, some or none of the characteristics may apply to any particular individual, but society will see us through a certain lens. That leads me to an important point. Roles, though necessary and valuable, can be limiting.

There are also the basic roles of race and the socioeconomic one. People treat us certain ways because we are white or Black or Asian, or Hispanic, or Native American. Even trickier is whether I consider myself as rich or poor. This depends to a large extent on who I am comparing myself to at the moment. Compared to Bill Gates, I am very poor. Compared to most of the developing world, I am rich. Whether I consider myself comfortably middle class-having enough to live on and share with others-or poor has a great deal to do with how I interact with my world.

Another basic role for most of us is who we are at our jobs. I am a degreed librarian, and though I am currently in a non-professional position, that role is still part of who I am, and it affects how I see myself at the library. I tend to have a broader view point than my peers, looking at the library as a whole, rather than just my department or my specific job.

We each play so many other roles. Like all of you, I am a part of this faith community. We are residents of Klamath Falls (or vicinity). I am an author, a bus rider, a friend - both capital and small f - a member of the Ministry and Care Committee, a gardener, a five on the Enneagram, an INTX on the Mayer Brigg personality indicator, a scholar, and on and on. You will also have a group of roles unique to yourself.

As I have already said, roles are good. They help us to know how to react in various situations. I have an idea of what to expect when I walk into a classroom as either teacher or pupil. I know how to act at church and at work, partly because of role understanding.

However, roles also cause some problems. What happens when my boss's idea of my role at work is different from mine? What happens when my idea of how a member of a faith community should act is different from yours? What if a husband and wife see their own and each other's roles differently? All sorts of clashes can happen when we have different perceptions of roles from simple misunderstandings, easily corrected, to getting fired or divorced. It is so important to communicate expectations clearly in both directions.

Another problem with roles is that we often see roles rather than people. Mothers are supposed to be always nurturing. Doctors and pastors are supposed to be always wise and kind. That goes for teachers and others in the helping professions. On the other hand, we may see business people as greedy. We may be frightened of someone merely because of race. I may see you one way if I know you are Quaker, and another if you are Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or Atheist. I may see you through the lens of what I expect a young man to be, how I expect a man or woman to act, rather than seeing you as an individual. This is no new way of acting. Paul advised Timothy, a young pastor, "Don't let anyone put you down because you're young.." (1 Timothy 4:12)

Living from our roles can force others into a role of their own. For instance, if I go to a physician, I am automatically thrust into the role of patient. This is not necessarily bad, but it may hold me back from questioning my doctor. Also, if the physician is seeing me only as a patient, he may miss what I need as a person. If I see only a beggar, I may simply fling money-or turn my back. What if I saw that homeless person as a person first? I may see my employees as simply filling slots in my organization, not as people like me, with dreams and joys and needs and sorrows. When I go to my parent's home, I may be plunged into the role of child no matter how old I am. If I think of myself as a problem-solver, I may see you as a problem to be solved. If I consider myself a leader, I may assume you will fall into the role of follower. If I see myself as a teacher, I expect you to be a pupil. That works in the opposite direction, too. I may need to see you as my problem-solver,! my decision-maker, or my teacher, even if you don't want to play any such role.

That leads me back to a point I'v already touched on briefly.. If I can see myself only in terms of a narrowly defined role, it limits what I can do as a person. I already mentioned Dr. McCoy on Star Trek, with his "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a _______." Yet as much as Dr. McCoy complained, he was able to step outside his physician role and do what his Captain needed. I have talked before about how I once defined my role too narrowly as that of writer, and how God has helped me to see an expanded role of communicator. Comparatively speaking, this was easy for me to do in the setting of this meeting. Now I'm trying to learn what it means in other areas of my life. Specifically, right now, I'm working on what it might mean in the library. One obvious thing is listening for what others need, and then trying to help get that. Another is keeping the lines of communication open both to those above me and to those below me, as well aiding communication between departments. However, there are still places I fall woefully short, which gives me plenty of room to improve and grow into that role.

Last, we may allow others to define our roles for us. I had a friend who had been told all her life that she was stupid. It took a long time and a lot of encouragement for her to go to college to fulfill her lifelong dream of becoming a teacher, a role that allowed her to blossom.

If roles can limit us, or keep us from becoming who we should be; if roles can keep us from seeing others for who they are, and can even urge us to go against our own true selves, is there any role that is really safe, encouraging, expanding, and full of the promise of freedom? Yes! That role is Child of God. As I John 3:1 says, "What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it-we're called children of God! That's who we really are." That is my basic role, my true role. So it is for everyone I meet. If I can remember that, I am less likely to let my other roles get in the way when I interact with others of God's children. Closely connected to this for myself is my role as Christ-follower

As we go into a time of open worship, think about your roles. How do they define you? How do they limit you? How do they help you grow? Listen to God; listen to your heart. Is it time to step out of a role that no longer fits? Is it time to stop seeing someone as a role, and look at them as a person? It is time to expand or redefine a role? Is it time to move into a new role? Don't let old roles trap you. Don't let fear hold you back. God calls each of us to grow into our true selves. Is God calling you to something new?